Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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