I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
