What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
