He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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