Jerry, you need to find god
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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