so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
