Who wears a wallet chain?!
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
