I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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