I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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