Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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