There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
