dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
We need to get me chipped asap
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
