I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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