in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
