I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
