Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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