Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
