You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
