Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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