so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
