she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
