I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
