Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
