All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
