I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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