Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
