If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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