Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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