why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
