Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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