how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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