It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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