Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Randomize