i think i have herpe
just one?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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