John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
