He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
