Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
