There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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