If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
