What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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