i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
whose ass print is on the piano?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
