I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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