we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize