i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
