i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Someone stole a lamp last night.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
