she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
