if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
