Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Randomize
