my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
