Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
