threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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