I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
