Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
