Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
