i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
