i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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