to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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