dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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