apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
