I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
